This is summary of the book "Be your Future Self now" by Dr. Benjamin Hardy for personal purpose.
Some of the sentences are copied from the book and some of the sentences are modified depending on the context.
This part is about the #Threats to be successful to your future self.
I will post this book in 3 series as the book divides main topics in the three.
Intro
Unlike previously perception, humans are not driven by the past.
We’re pulled forward by the future we are most committed to.
It is explained as prospection; as people, everything we do is driven by our prospects of the future.
Knowing the why is the deepest and most powerful form of knowledge because why is always the driver of the what and how.
All goals or motivations fit within two categories; approach or avoid. Whether to approach or avoid, they are the drive of your thoughts, energy, and actions.
Shifting our goals from fear-based, reactive, and short term to proactive, long term, and love-basd is the path to a successful and happy life. Your view of your Future Self is the compass that draws you forward.
The quality of connection you have with your own Future Self determines the quality of your life and behaviors now. The more connected you are to your own Future Self, the wiser decisions you make here and now.
Decisions and actions are best when reverse-engineered from a desired outcome. Start with what you want and work backward.
Being connected to your future self is the secret to being truly present.
Viktor Frankl (Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor)
“Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now! ”
* Viktor Frankl was born in 1905. He graduated college in 1925 then started his one free counseling center for teenagers in seven cities already in 1928 and 1929. He was focusing on the meaning of life which he believed people’s development and quality of their mental health stemmed from fulfilling in their own future.
By the time he opened his own clinic when Germany invaded Austria, he practiced psychiatric clinics from his parents’ home to avoid being caught by Nazis.
In 1942, Frankl and his wife Tilly were arrested and brought to concentration camp in Theresienstadt, by then his wife was pregnant.
Part 1 Future Self Threats
Threat #1
Without hope in your future, your present loses meaning.
Seth Godin
“Hope is an essential part of the human condition. Without hope, we wither and perish.”
Friedrich Nietzsche “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
In the concentration camp Viktor could tell when his fellow inmate would die. It is when inmates lose purpose. He could notice when the glow of life left their eyes.
“The prisoner who had lost faith in the future-his future- was doomed. With his love of belief in the future, he also lost his spiritual hold; he let himself decline and became subject to mental and physical decay…..”
Hope = the will and the way
The comparison between high-hope and low-hope people by Dr. CharlesSnyder;
“High-hope people find multiple pathways to reach their goals and willingly try new approaches.Low-hope people, on the other hand, stick with one approach and do not try other avenues when stymied. Instead of using problem-focused thought, the low-hope people often use counterproductive avoidance and disengagement thinking. Reinforced in the short term by their avoidance thoughts, low-hope people continue their passivity. Unfortunately, they do not learn from past experiences. High-hope people, however, use information about not reaching their goals as diagnostic feedback to search for other feasible approaches.”
A high hope people like Frankl himself remains committed 100 percent to a pursuit, and 100 percent flexible around the path to achieve their goal. Without hope, you decay.
Threat #2
A reactive narrative about your past stunts your future.
Mike Tyson
“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.”
In this part, Benjamin shares his own brutal car accident experience.
When you frame the past negatively, your goals become reactive to and based on your past. Your goals become short term and avoidance-oriented, where you try escaping the pain of the present.
When reactive, life happens to you, rather than for you. When reactive, you feel the victim of what life has done to you.
What happened to you doesn’t matter as much as what emotions you feel about what happened. The story you create about past events dictates what your past means to your present and to your Future Self.
To have a bigger future, first have a better past.
You can reframe and reshape your past narrative over and over. Your hardest moments can push you to truly learn from life and commit to something much better.
Threat #3 Your Future Self is the byproduct of your environment.
If you are around people who have high expectations, you will rise to those standards.
Dr. Jonah Berger (Invisible Influence) “Just like atoms bounce each other, our social interactions are constantly shaping who we are and what we do.”
The more mature you become, the more proactive and conscious are the goals you choose for yourself.
If you want a better future self, expose yourself to better perspectives and evolved people.
Viktor Frankl
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Instead of reacting directly, be aware of your environment, and scan externally for different perspectives and options.
Psychologist Dr. Ellen Langer
“When we create the context, we are more likely authentic. Mindfulness lets us see things in a new light and believe in the possibility of change.”
A true friend makes your Future Self bigger.
What got you here won’t get you there. At a certain point, you may outgrow the relationship, and need to find a new teacher or partner.
Un-aligning with your close people can be hard or scary but it can also be simple and respectful.
In a transformation relationship, there is a genuine desire to help and support each other that are focused on giving, gratitude, and growth.
You start the relationship by helping the other person better achieve their own goals.
Threat #4 When you are not connected to your Future Self, you make stupid decisions in the present.
It is easy to make myopic decisions when you are not connected to your Future Self. Your Future Self and current you are different entities, different people. Have empathy about your Future Self and love that person. When you love someone, you tend to care more about that person and give more. Do it to Future you.
Imagine who you want to be, how you want to be. The more vivid the picture about your Future Self, the more you will be successful.
You would want a healthy, free, and fit person rather than a poor, unhealthy person. Invest in a longer-term Future Self, and do not feed yourself for short-term dopamin emission.
However, human beings are not familiar with longer term plans because it hasn’t been in their DNA. So it is not easy. Practice and exercise to see your vivid Future Self more often than look back at your past.
Threat #5 Urgent Battles and Small Goals keep you stuck
Where could you be in five years?
50 Cent and Rober Greene, The 50th Law
“By our rational as nature, conscious creatures, we cannot help but think of the future. But most people, out of fear, limit their view of the future to a narrow range, Thoughts of tomorrow, a few weeks ahead, perhaps a vague plan for the months to come. We are generally dealing with so many immediate battles that it is hard for us to lift our gaze above the moment. It is a law of power, however, that the further and deeper we contemplate the future, the greater our capacity to shape it to our desires.”
Business strategist Dr. Steven Covey used rocks and pebbles to show us to teach time management. Bucket means time, big and middle sized rocks represent important matters such as relationship, planning, learning, and health. Pebbles represent urgent matters such as checking emails and going to meetings. The only way off the day-to-day hamster wheel is to prioritize the important. Think beyond your current context and start investing in yourself. Lift your gaze and begin connecting with your longer term Future Self.
Advertising legend Paul Arden
“You need to aim beyond what you are capable of.”
You get what you are looking for.
Psychologist Dr. Wayne Dyer
“When you change the way you see things, the things you see change.”
Trade inattentional blindness for selective attention.
Threat #6 Not being in the Arena is failing by default
Being in the league keeps telling you as a failure. You will constantly be judged, ignored, and criticized but this is how you learn and adapt. It is a task that takes courage.
When you are not in the arena, there are no real risks or consequences. It is safe. But you remain ignorant of your own ignorance. The longer you wait to enter your arena, the more you limit your Future Self.
Being in the arena means you’re finally facing and embracing reality.
Threat #7 Success is often Catalyst for Failure
Dr. Gay Henricks
Upper limit problem: “Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.”
As your focus and long-term vision are squeezed out by short-term wins, the original singular goal becomes meddled and distracted.
It can be explained by Greg McKeown as “The clarity paradox”
Phase 1: When we really have clarity of purpose, it leads to success.
Phase 2: When we have success, it leads to more options and opportunities.
Phase 3: When we have increased options and opportunities, it leads to diffused efforts.
Phase 4: Diffused efforts undermine the very clarity that led to our success in the first place.
Novelist G.Michael Hopf “Those who remain: A Postapocalyptic Novel”
“Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And weak men create hard times.”